33 Days

33 days is all I have left in Illinois.
I've been trying to visit all our favorite places on more time and making the kids say goodbye to them.  I know Drew is the type of kid that will ask to go back to these places and I wanted to be able to say remember, we said goodbye to that playground.  It's sad and breaks my heart each time we leave a place and I think in the back of my head that we won't be coming back there.  Drew understands a little that we are moving and we won't be coming back but he doesn't fully understand.  He's asked if we are taking the trees and plants outside and he's said maybe sometimes we can visit and I try not to sound to harsh but I tell him that probably isn't going to happen.  If we come back at all it would be very very infrequently.  The things I will miss the most aren't even big places like zoos and museums, every city has those, it's just the pond, the soccer fields, the playgrounds, my sidewalks.  Oh how I will miss my sidewalks.  I love taking walks at any time day or night with the kids.  I love being able to just take all their ride ons, push toys, and bikes to the sidewalk and having a place to play and ride without getting in the car.  I love that we can walk to the playground, the pond, the river, and if we were feeling ambitious we could walk to Panera (we did when I locked ourselves out of the house one day).  I will also miss having a paved driveway to play with chalks on.  When I was very young I grew up in the country and I missed having sidewalks and driveways but I know I loved my land with trees, and a pond, and room to explore and play.  You can't have it all and I hope my kids will be happy with what we've chosen for them.  We will have a large yard that they can play in and a house with enough rooms for everyone.  I've been working on a goodbye book for the kids that they can look at if they start to miss their old home and I hope to get that done in the next 2 weeks so we can see it before we go and then when we get to our new house.  I'm so excited to start the life I want in my own place but it's so sad leaving the life that I know here.  Change is scary, but change can be great too.

Our new home (to be)