Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Sunny Side of the Street

I'm so excited to be moving!
It's always fun to start something new.  Everyone loves new!  I can't wait to get into our new home, set up a new garden, raise new chickens, decorate new rooms, meet new people, go to new places.
For so long I've felt like I've been mourning the life in my head.  Not really mourning but I've had to accept the fact that living where I do, I most likely will never own a farm house.  I most likely will never live in an area that allows you to have chickens, and I most likely will never be able to afford enough land for a garden.  Not a couple plants garden but a garden to sustain my family on.
I'm so excited to be moving into a house that has enough bedrooms for my kids, that is a farm house style home, that has a huge fenced in back yard.  I can't wait to plant my garden, to sit on my porch, to raise my chickens.  There are so many things that I had almost given up on that I will get to have and do in my new home.
I can't wait to decorate!  I live in a town home now, and it's just felt like apartment style living that lacks any clear style.  I'm so excited to be moving into a farm house style home so I can decorate and have it come together the way I want.  I know this seems insignificant but it's the little things that make up life, right.
I also can't wait to go to the mountains with my kids, to go camping, to go to the ocean.  Oh how I love the ocean and have missed it these last 9 years.  I will be so close to it all!  I can't wait to go to the lake, only 5 minutes from my house.  So much of how I grew up will be right in my own back yard.  I can't wait for my kids to experience the nature that I experienced.  I like looking at pictures of midwest fields and farms but I would rather climb a mountain than walk through a field.
I can't wait to just have my own single family home.  My own yard.  No rules, no HOA, no one telling me what I can or can not do. No neighbors looking at my every move and small sense of safety and freedom for my kids.  Where I live I can't have a fence.  There's always a fear when I run one kid into the potty that I shouldn't be leaving my other kid on the patio.  Someone could take them, they could wander off but having my own yard will allow my kids a larger area to explore without the fear that there's somebody watching their every move.  Right now to explore we have to go to public parks and it will be nice to have the space to roam and explore on our own property.  I'm not foolish, I know no place is 100% safe.
I am ready for this move to happy and can't wait to show my kids the life I've been missing for 9 years!

Feeling Blue

Moving is sad.
I've lived in IL for 9 years, over 1/4 of my life.  I've lived in my town home longer than any other home in my whole life.  I went from a newlywed, to a wife, to a mom all in the state of IL.  I am leaving so many memories behind.  So many special places.  I won't be able to drive by and point out my kids favorite places to them, or where they were born, or the house I brought them to when we came home from the hospital.  Not that they will care but it's sad to think that this part of my life is over.
The other day I picked out a couple presents for special friends and found myself crying in Hallmark.  I'm sure I'm not the first woman to break out the tissues in that store but it just made me realize how close I've gotten to my friends out here and how I'm going to have to start over, with new people, in a new town.
Not only am I missing what I have out here I'm missing things I've planned in the future.  My best friend and I talked about hanging out next this fall with just our littlests since the bigger kids would be in preschool and then the following year our littles would be in preschool while our boys were in Kindergarten.  We had grand plans of roaming the boutiques and eating peaceful lunches while our kids were in class.  We joked about my daughter dating one of her sons, about them being prom dates.  Knowing quite well that this probably wouldn't happen but also knowing our kids would be friends for along time and when they graduated highschool we could look back on pictures of them starting preschool together.  We could look back on pictures of us pregnant together.  I am getting teary eyed just typing this.  I have other friends out here who have known me since before I got pregnant and I've patiently waited for them to get through the tough baby stage to hang out again and they patiently waited for me.  Now we are all at points of our lives that hanging out it becoming much easier and I'm leaving.  I'm going to miss so much.  Some of my friends are getting married, having babies, having grandbabies and I'm not going to be here to celebrate those things.  Not just that, I'm going to miss the little celebrations too.  I know technology helps you feel close but it's not the same as meeting for coffee and laughing in person.
Sometimes I think my circle of friends is rather small but this past week I've started to say goodbye to so many people and I realize many people have touched my life out here.  Some people I see almost daily, some every couple weeks, and some maybe only a couple times a year but we are always there for each other.  Now I have to find those friends all over again.  The ones I get together with occasional, the ones I talk to every day, the ones that can count on me in a pinch, and the ones I can trust with my kids.  I have friends I can shop with, cry with, eat with, lesson plan with.  I hadn't realized the network of friends I had built and now I have to leave it all behind.
But moving isn't all sad...happy post coming up.

Almost Time

Okay.  So I've been sitting at the computer for over half an hour, typed 4 versions of what to say and I still have a blank screen.
I don't know if I should write how excited I am to be moving or if I should write how sad I am to be leaving.  I'm stuck in the middle and the middle just makes for a jumbled piece of writing.
So I'm going to organize my thoughts and come back....